There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
