Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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