i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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