Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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