i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
