her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
