saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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