Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
