Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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