i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
