I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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