On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
