Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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