I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
