i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
