I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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