you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
