everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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