Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
