Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
