Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
