doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
