but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
