I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
