Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
