I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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