WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
