I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My breasts were aching with rage.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
