I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
