that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
