Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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