The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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