You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
