unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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