i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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