Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
