Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never underestimate the power of titties
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
