Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
