A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he shaved USA in his pubs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
