my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
