you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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