She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
