I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
