I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
