covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
