I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
