Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
