On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
