Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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