Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
