I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
