How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
